y1WlEjNAYV3-K1WpS3N1_iK3Azo TaJuLa's Blog: Common Mistakes Women Make In Marriage - Praise Fowowe.

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

Common Mistakes Women Make In Marriage - Praise Fowowe.

A lot of women lose their marriages to insecurity. Insecurity is an offshoot of unhealthy self-esteem and it has its root in one’s inability to trust others or the quest to be in control of someone or something such that you ultimately lose control. It is the quest to control what is non-existent or beyond you. This usually gives rise to mentally initiated negative opinions and self generated problems which results in breach of trust jealousy and suspicion. Insecure people find it difficult to trust others and can’t share what they have with others. How many times have you chocked your partner? Often times people battling with insecurity see themselves as the capital or the center of the world. They unconsciously turn themselves into a god that must be worshiped by their spouses and feel other people’s lives should stop because they are around. They simply forget that the best the world can offer is a minute silence when you are gone.
I want everyone of us to understand that your spouse is an individual with a life before he married you and his life has to continue now that he is married to you. You can’t chase away the people that God used over the years to mould him to become somebody that you found good enough to marry. The question you may even need to ask yourself is ‘In my X years of existence who has become better by coming in contact with me? If you can’t point at people outside your family whose transformation can be traced to you then fix yourself before you try to remove the log in his eye. I have discovered that many of us never really had a life before getting married and that is why we try so hard to snuff life out our spouses because there is a vacuum in our lives that has always been there that we thought marriage would fill. The effect of your insecurity won’t cost you alone. It affects everyone around you such that you may not be able to establish a healthy and long lasting relationship. You strive so hard to control everything and everyone around you such that you make them pretend to be who they are not in their quest to satisfy you. But you hardly ever know that while you live in a fool’s paradise of ‘now I have them under me’ while they live in a hypocritical paradise of ‘I will pretend whenever she is around and live my real life when she is out of sight’ So you need to get a life and get help as a woman. I know there are bad influences around your spouse that may have to give way after marriage but how you go about getting them off his back is another strategic plan entirely. My focus here is on women who can’t stand their men talk or relate with other women without you fixing images of the lady taking him away from you. You put yourself in a vulnerable state as a woman if you don’t have any other friend or circle of friends apart from your man. I have seen too many women scare the day light out of every woman in the life of their spouses only to be bitten by the only one she could trust i.e her kid sister. Instead of fighting others or becoming a State Security Service officer who becomes suspicious of everyone, concentrate on cultivating and developing yourself into his most valuable friend and spouse and that way you would have checkmated affairs because many of us push our men out because of our inability to handle their circle of friends. How secured are you and do you really have a life? Thanks Praise for your piece which I started getting 2 weeks ago. I kept wondering where you were 7 years ago when I lost my marriage to insecurity. I was raised in a polygamous home and had lived life through sibling rivalry having to contest everything and had perceived life as a winner takes all hence had been conditioned not to share my things. I have lost count how many times I openly fought women I perceived as threats and had even gone to my husband’s office to fight his secretary over a perceived affair. My husband was such a quiet man that I wonder why I found it so hard to trust him even when he assured me and made me comfortable. Looking back I realized he wasn't the problem; I was’ Unfortunately for me I couldn't trust my husband with anyone not even my younger sisters whom I considered wayward. The only person I could trust was my only friend who was still single and highly introverted. She was the one that cooked for my man each time I had to travel and I had tried her severally and felt she had passed my test of trust and what convinced me there wasn't going to be any issue was the fact that my man and my friend haven’t been best of pals as a matter of fact my husband always kicked against her coming to the house but I stood my ground and even chided him that he wasn't relating with my friend because he knew she would report any of his escapades in my absence but I guessed I was wrong after all because the only lady I could trust eventually got pregnant for my husband and it was one experience I found so hard to recover from. I guess I could have worked on myself first before chocking my man. I think the lesson for every woman out there is to have a life first before having a husband. Sometimes I also see married women bring a matured friend to live in their home and I wonder if it was a friend you brought in or an Asst.wife?
Confession: I know who I am and confident in myself and the ability God has placed in me. I refuse to fail as a woman and I remain grateful for the man God has given me.

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