Love Birds With Praise Fowowe - Mistakes Women Make.

She stood wondering amidst tears where she had gone wrong having just lost her husband to his secretary. She had completely underestimated his ability to walk out on her because they were inseparable before they got married and as a committed Christian she believed he would never cheat on her. As a matter of fact a God fearing man was top on her list of qualities to look out for in a spouse and she thankfully got one. But how come the same man whose dedication to church activities is unquestionable could walk out on her without even blinking. In her confusion she was referred to my office and she paid for 2 sessions but it wasn’t long before we arrived at where she went wrong. She had blamed him for not being faithful but she failed to see her mistakes until we began to analyze all that had happened before he took off with the new woman.

While I am not one to justify men who cheat or behave irresponsibly I have also discovered that what we call marital infidelity or some of our reasons for break up are preventable if the right things have been done by the parties involved. What are the common mistakes married women make and how do you avoid some of these pitfalls in 2013?

1. Comparing your spouse with your friend’s spouse – A lot of women do this to challenge their men to take responsibility but it backfires most of the time because it is a direct attack on his identity and ego and a man’s ego is that part of him that must be carefully managed or we might just have a serious battle in our hands. Most of the times we fail to properly analyze our men to properly understand their strengths, weaknesses, communication clues and correctional styles thereby relating without knowledge because you feel your friend’s man is better.
Men come in 4 packages and each comes with their strengths and weaknesses. While I don’t subscribe to a man hiding under the guise of his temperament to become irresponsible we also must not totally discount the place of our personality type in why we do what we do. While the Intimidating spouse is a typical African man who will never cede leadership to anyone. Driven by projects and work such that relationship is secondary. He is too busy to notice what you wear or a change of hairdo and loves to set the rules as against becoming diplomatic. He loves a woman that is intellectually sound and that can use her initiative to fix things without questioning his authority. So for him, service is critical. If you are married to this type of man, you must not argue with him because you won’t win. Serve him, produce results for him, be brief when you have something to share with him and always suggest ways to achieve results. Don’t get upset when he forgets important days that matter to you because it is not intentional. Cultivate yourself and become indispensable is d name of d game with him. The Creative spouse on the other hand is a lady's man but highly scattered. Show me the man who disorganizes your space consistently and I will show you the creative man.
We started looking at the 4 packages men come in and the need not to compare your man because he is totally different from others and so far we have looked at the Intimidating spouse and the creative spouse. The creative spouse naturally attracts loads of ladies and hates being compared. His shoes go north while the socks go south and he seems to be always looking for things. He could be indisciplined l but he becomes more responsible if he has a spouse who can hold him accountable, emotionally, without rejecting him. He loves to be touched and wants sex a lot so don’t reject him and tell him to grow up. You can say No in a better way but every no must come with an appointment. For example if you say No at 9pm cos you are tired, you must be able to appeal to him to be patient till 2am. He is one who must be pampered. The Dependable spouse on the other hand is very passive but a complete family man. He could be cautious to a level that can get you angry especially when what you want done require  quick decision. He hates to be rushed and shouted at and that can make him withdraw and keep secrets. He is gentle and loving and that could be taken for granted but he does not want you to take advantage of him because of that.  He wants you to be sincere and interested in him and respected for his support and maturity which he hardly gets. He is a slow starter and a bit laid back but finishes whatever he stars. Finally the Systematic spouse is also passive and a perfectionist. He is critical and doesn’t have so many friends. Battles with low self esteem especially if you are doing better but he is highly intelligent although highly sensitive as well.You need wisdom as a woman to scan your man so that you can determine where he falls and related based on his true abilities and not who you expect him to be.
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