Fighting Your Mother-In-Law
Most of the common mistakes that married women make are avoidable mistakes but occur as a result of ill marital preparation in most cases. Unfortunately a lot of ladies have been victims of all kinds of abuse in the past that they have been conditioned not to be able to treat themselves well let alone someone else. I have seen people argue about what they have no clue on and have even seen ladies misconstrue your sincere quest to help thinking you want something more because their mentality has been messed up by the notion that every guy that is trying to help wants something more from them.
A bigger problem is a faulty foundation where the purpose for getting married is faulty from the beginning. Our world has degenerated into a world where human beings are no longer getting married instead we are having a solemnization between shoes and cars or body shape and bank account. The sad fact is that sooner than later their lack of substance would eventually come to fore and instead of looking for help they resort to blame game and tag it irreconcilable differences. Have you ever asked the questions’ who does he love the most between his mother and you? Hmmm that is one question people try to answer all the time and many live in fool’s paradise thinking they have the right answers. I have seen wives struggle with their mother in-law and even sometimes do everything possible to shut them out. If you can stomach the truth you must know that you can’t expect a man who was raised by his mother for the first 30 years of his life out rightly abandon same woman completely for you.
The first love in the life of a man is usually his mother especially depending on what they went through together so she may be untouchable in his life for sometimes so you might want to prove yourself that you deeply love him instead of trying to banish his mum. I have not really seen so many mothers disown their children but I have seen too many women leave their men. . I understand that some mother’s as well can’t stand you because they have their preference of who their son should have married and that in itself is a problem because that is stepping out of their boundaries but it is a thin line that must be carefully managed. It takes wisdom on your part and a strategic positioning to win this battle and that battle is what most women spend their lives fighting without wining. Your perception of her to a larger extent will determine your reception. What does she love and how often do you send her gifts? Do you continually honor her even when it is obvious she doesn’t like you? Truth is everyone has got a prize provided we are willing to pay the price. There is no microwave solution to relational issues and you may not be able to do anything about her stance on you but you can choose your response. I have even found out that women who complain about their mother in-laws often act worse when they become mother in laws as well. Hmmm so what must you do to win this special woman? P-R-A-I-S-E her yes! You heard me. P-raise her even when she has not added any value, if there is nothing praise worthy at least praise her for not aborting the pregnancy you now call you man and do it intentionally every time in a way that she gets to hear what you are saying about her. I have seen many wives ask their men to choose between their mother and them hmmm you don’t have to get to that level because it is a level one of you may not survive. Every battle has got a winning strategy and every door has got a lock. Patience is one virtue that has never failed especially when creatively deployed. And if you really mean well God will create situations that will make you the pride of all. We started looking at how to treat your mother in law yesterday and we have examined the P in the Praise. . R-readily respond respectfully to her intentions(you can always find that out). A-acknowledge her input and impact(even when there is no input) I- invest in her, S- serve and solve her problems with speed and smile and E-exceed her expectations. Now I must warn that you must be able to deploy these even when it seems you are not getting any result because you don’t lose the battle really until you QUIT. However in handling your mother in-law there are a few things you can’t afford to do because I have seen good women complicate issues out of ignorance and sometimes arrogance. You must understand that your husband is the man at the middle and it could be difficult to choose between his wife and his mother. It is always a tough call that requires wisdom to handle to arrive at a win-win situation. What must you not do? Don’t S.T.A.B your mother in-law. I often tell married women that some mother in-laws have their choice for a wife for their sons and your coming has upset so many calculations so you may be in the eye of the storm from day 1 and you don’t fight threats with threats. Wisdom is the principal thing and a man of wisdom will naturally defeat a man of strength any day. The workings of my recommendations are predicated on consistently doing it even when it looks like you are not getting any result. Keep at it because it has saved too many women in the last 10 years of working with troubled marriages. Don’t S-T-A-B your mother in-law. S- Spite and split – don’t spite her and don’t be the reason for the split between mother and son you must seek to bring everyone together. T-treat her anyhow. She is also your mother so you can’t afford to relate with her based on what she has/is doing to you because people are always doing everything they do because of what they know (she doesn't know better) A-attack, never get to that level where you physically or verbally attack her no matter the provocation, you must always bear in mind that you can’t control what people say about you but you have control over your response. B- betray and blackmail her, be careful who you talk to about your mother in-law. Seek counsel but be wise about it and take everything to God in prayers because while you can’t be arrested for what you are thinking; you can be prosecuted for what you have said.
Prayers: Lord open the eyes of my in-laws to see the treasure you have placed in me and help me to love unconditionally, Lord make me a woman of wisdom and enlarge my heart like yours. Lord I hand her hearts over to you and because my way is pleasing to you everyone will be at peace with me.
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